Talking to your child's teacher: what to say and when to say it!
/At Discover and Be, we cannot emphasise enough the importance of open communication lines between parent and teacher. Having been class teachers ourselves, we know how difficult it can be for teachers to regularly communicate with the parents of every single child in the class. But we also recognise the value of working openly with parents to help support our pupils (your children!).
A quick two minute chat in the playground after school is not always sufficient and, much of the time, parents are working or looking after younger siblings and therefore unavailable for a quick feedback session. This can leave some parents feeling disconnected from their child’s education and often raises questions such as: ‘Should I speak to my child’s teacher?” “When is a good time to speak?” or “Is it better to email my worries or speak on the phone?”
Ironically, remote learning gave many parents a unique first-hand experience into how their children learns and the challenges they face, whether it be struggling with a particular subject, being socially unsettled, or feeling unmotivated and unchallenged.
Teachers want parents to come forward and communicate their thoughts and concerns however big or small. Ultimately, we are all working together towards a common goal: supporting and instilling confidence in your child.
Should I wait for a parent consultation?
The ten minute parent consultations held twice a year primarily serves as an opportunity for the teacher to touch base and give an overview regarding how your child is progressing. This is not the right time to be discussing an issue in depth and, if you try to, you will probably leave feeling deflated, unsatisfied and perhaps more concerned. Equally, your child’s teacher may divulge an issue that you are not aware of, opening a new can of worms to worry about!
If you or your child are worried about anything at all, don’t wait for the parent consultation - make an appointment to speak to your child’s teacher asap. This may seem obvious to many parents, but I know mums and dads who have felt that taking that step would be creating an ‘inconvenience’ or ‘more work’ for the class teacher. In our experience, a teacher would rather discuss any issues as and when they arise, as they’re then less likely to become more serious.
Knowledge is power
I like to return to the old phrase, ‘knowledge is power’; the more you know and learn about a situation, the more you feel on top of it. If your child is struggling in a particular subject or area of school life, no matter how minor you think it might be (or how much they are playing it down!), it is VITAL to have an in-depth conversation with their class teacher in order to raise awareness and, if necessary, to work together make a plan of action. Most class teachers are super approachable and will gladly make the time to speak to you.
1. Drop the teacher an email
Email your child’s teacher with a short overview of your concerns or queries and ask to make an appointment at a mutually convenient time.
2. Plan ahead
Speak to your child at a ‘calm’ time of the day when she/he is ready/ open to speak. Ask them what they would like you to discuss and how they would like things to be. Make notes on your phone or in a notebook so that you feel prepared. If possible, find childcare for your child so that you can speak freely at the meeting and focus on what is being discussed.
3. Try to relax and remember the common goal!
Meetings with teachers about your own offspring can evoke all kinds of feelings and emotions. Some parents get nervous and it can be easy to ‘get on the defensive’ and not keep a rational head when you are talking about someone you love (I speak through experience both as a mum and as a teacher!). It is important to remember that you and the teacher both want what is best for your child.
4. If necessary, request a follow-up meeting
This can be useful if strategies are to be put in place to help your child, whether at home or at school.
5. Next steps…
Very often, issues that arise at school impact a child’s confidence or, indeed, may be a result of a lack of confidence. This is where private tuition can really help!
The wonderful thing about private tuition is that it creates the opportunity for the pupil to have a qualified teacher all to themselves for the whole session. The relationship between a private tutor and their pupil has a very different dynamic to that of class teacher and pupil for obvious reasons.
Having regular tuition in the pupil’s home invites the pupil to work in a familiar and relaxed environment. This often means that pupils feel more confident and are, therefore, open to chat about anything that might be troubling or frustrating them or that they might be finding tricky in the classroom environment.
Verbal feedback to parents
For us, this is the best, most efficient kind of feedback. We advise our tutors, where possible, to ensure that there is time left over at the end of each lesson to speak to a parent or carer. Obviously, this isn’t always possible. Some parents are busy working or are looking after little ones, but we do recommend that time is made for feedback, whether it be verbal or a quick email. This keeps you in the loop, ensures progression and encourages everyone to work together.
Your child’s confidence is paramount!
From a child’s perspective, observing parents and teachers working together for your sake, is both rewarding and positive. Seeing proactivity on your behalf promotes self-value and encourages positive ‘can do’ feelings. So, our message at Discover and Be is clear: keep talking to your child’s teachers, and do not underestimate the importance of your input and presence as a parent or carer.
